Is ever fine, at least, understandable, that one child intimidates another?
I spend a lot of time talking with groups of parents and students about bullying, and it is common for parents to approach me after talking with questions about their personal situation. A mother once asked me about my thoughts about a situation in what her eight -year -old son had been accused of intimidating another child.
In my experience, parents often find it hard to believe that their child could participate in bullying; This mother clearly accepted that the behavior occurred, but she felt clearly that there were mitigating circumstances. He pointed out that the goal had the annoying habit of putting his nose, and this had bothered his son, which he had lashed out.
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She covered; Surely, he thought, there could be circumstances under which it is acceptable that one child intimidates another.
If your child is being accused of intimidating another, it can be surprising and annoying. Beyond those understandable emotions, as a father, he has many options to help his son understand their behavior and why it was seen as intimidation.
We first define what we are talking about: intimidation means that someone hurts repeatedly and deliberately to a less powerful person. Intimidation is a very unhealthy and potentially harmful behavior, both for the target and for the bully. Research tells us that children who intimidate have consequences for mental health such as depression and anxiety in adulthood. This is especially true for children who are thugs and victims.
I believe that most people would agree that intimidation sometimes requires punishment and calls to interventions; But is it ever intimidation a behavior that requires understanding? If your child is being aggressive once (which does not meet the definition of intimidation), and in self -defense, that can be excusable. On the other hand, if your child is intimidating, that repeated torment is not excusable. I reminded the mother whose son intimidated the child who collected the nose that intimidation is detrimental to both individuals, so when it happens because or a provocation, it should not be ignored.
The interesting thing is that in general, children do not excuse bullying. In a study in which scientists interviewed the children of primary school (both those involved and not participated in intimidation) in Sweden to understand how children see bullying, students tended to think that stalkers were psychological problems, bullyers, bully, harass, harass, bullyed, bullyed, tremonivivant (in other words, that they wanted other children to see their energy and admire).
Children who intimidate others, however, tend to have justifications for their behavior. In my study of more than 2,200 adolescents, around 62 percent of those who admitted to intimidate others sacrificed one or more of the following explanations: “People did not try to understand my point of view” or “had to demonstrate that I was intimidated, vigorously;
It is important to understand that children can participate in bullying for a variety of reasons. Parents can think of bullying as a reserved behavior for really disturbed children. The investigation, Howver, shows that some of those who intimidate, otherwise they are very social, while Thers, who tend to be stalkers and objectives, fight more to make friends and be social. It may be difficult to believe that a child who does it well at school and has friends who could be a real stalker.
What should parents do when their children are accused or intimidating? How should their children’s protests be handled that they were justifiably caused? Should your child believe and accept the reasons for intimidation? Should the answer be punishment, intervention or understanding, or the three?
The word Bullying It tends to be exaggerated, sometimes it applies to any feeling (repeated, deliberate or not) when some hurt others. The way in which the situation addresses can be completely different if the aggression in question only one happened, or bet on two children with a relatively the same social and physical power, which would probably not be intimidated.
If the power dynamics are unequal, and it seems to be a situation of intimidation, speak with everything to determine the facts. Let all those involved who are approaching this with an open mind. It is almost certain that the school’s perspective will be different from that of your child. It is not difficult to imagine a situation in which a school counselor explains that his son has intimidated another student, but his daughter or daughter states that he was angry and not thinking. Intimidation is a behavior that is planned. It is not an impulsive and unique response to the provocation of another person. An objective may have committed to the selection of the nose, and that may have been really irritating; But repeated aggression against them is not impulsive or thoughtless.
While many parents are understandingly reluctant to simply not believe their child, pointing out that there are other possible explanations does not mean that he is calling his own son Lear. You can say things like: “You mentioned that you did not want to hurt your feelings, but you must have tasks a lot of time to attract all that graffiti in your car. Writing all those hurtful words do not sound like an accident.”
Many children still do not understand that different people can have different interpretations of the same behavior. It is possible that his son has not occurred that what seemed his own defense for them seemed to be something completely different for others.
Once you have understood the situation and have had the opportunity to think about it, you are ready to teach your child some life lessons. He acknowledges that some of the circumstances may have caused their child, but then a clear line between feelings, thoughts and behavior. Point out that everyone is entitled to their thoughts and feelings, and surely, people can make us feel uncomfortable, angry or annoying. But how acts is different from a feeling. No one has the right to hurt others, regardless of what their feelings are.
You can also discuss alternative actions that can help in difficult situations. Is there an adult (perhaps a favorite advisor or teacher) who can help his son cope with school with his feelings (instead of representing his aggression)? Maybe a friend can help them feel calmer and less aggressive. Or can help your child find an activity to help them calm down when they feel aggressive.
Be sure to point out how the elections it makes to act can lead to real world. The consequences must always be age for age, and if possible, they can help rectify the damage that your child may have fallen. When one of my children was a children’s gardener, he made fun of another child due to his favorite stuffed toy. Our solution was to make that child from the same child of the same teddy toy, with his own assignment, and give it to the goal as a way of apologizing. My son has now grown, but he still remembers that episode.
Finally, consider your child’s environment. Think about its use of technology. Children differ significantly in how much aggression in video games or, for example, social networks influence their behavior. A study of more than 40,000 adolescents in Russia found that aggression on social networks was very common, but that different adolescents responded very differently. Some tended to copy the aggression, while others saw it as part of the entertainment of the application. Consider if your child tends to be deepened aggressively after interacting aggressively with others online, and discussing alternative activities with them while limiting their time spent online.
Intimidation is not healthy, so consider advice. Aggressive behaviors can be impulsive, but they can also reflect psychological struggles. A great meta -analysis of many studies found that emotional difficulties greatly increased the possibilities of being involved in bullying (either like a thug or a victim, or both). Does your child have trouble doing or maintaining friends? Perhaps they are also a victim or intimidation (it is not unusual for a child to be both a perpetrator and a victim or intimidation). Maybe his son is dealing with a ray of loneliness, depression or persistent anxiety. Maybe your best friend has abandoned them. The possible list of stressful factors could be long, but seeking professional help can make a big difference in the result of an intimidation situation.
Parents of children fighting with aggressive behavior can wait for summer as a time when less rigid and more indulgent behavior standards can relieve their stress. But summer is also an opportunity to discuss and explore thesis situations more deeply with your child or adolescent. Any habit, including the use of aggression, benefits from reminders and reinforcement of positive behaviors. So continuously plan that, as the new school year progresses and monitors your child closely to ensure that your psychological and emotional needs are with it.
This is an opinion and analysis article, and the opinions expressed by the author or authors are not necessarily those of American scientist.
